So, today (well, yesterday as of 2 minutes) was my 22nd birthday. It was an AMAZING day, and I am still reveling the beauty of life, friends, family and happiness.
I woke up at 8ish and layed in bed, got some emails sent, etc. I went to the mall and got a pedicure and then went and dropped some stuff off. It was beautiful and sunny outside.
I was looking forward to Bible Study. I went to dinner at Mustard Seed to meet Bryan (I live with him and his wife) and Daniel (Bryan's son). I walk in and see Bryan talking to another friend, I thought oh how nice they ran into eachother. I walk around the corner to the table and... THERE WAS A BUNCH OF FRIENDS! I was so surprised! I honestly had NO IDEA. I had a lovely dinner with the most amazing friends I could ask for. What a blessing. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. THANK YOU to all of you, you all mean more to me than you'll ever know, I mean that! I'm not just being cliche. I can honestly say this has been the BEST BIRTHDAY I HAVE EVER HAD.
I really got to thinking lately, I am just so incredibly blessed. I love my life right now. College is challenging, but I am so thankful I can go to college. I love the work I am doing with The United States of Hope. What an honor. I love the body of Christians I belong to&my salvation. I am content with being single right now (although that doesn't mean I'm not open to that changing, hehe :)). I love my recovery, I love my health, I love my body. I love friendships, relationships, I love my family. I love all the things I can do. I love that I am now among the ranks of the living, not sickness. I love, that's who I am, what I do, what I always want to do is love.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
~Ice Cream~
So anyone that knows me knows that I like ice cream, and right now I just want to reflect on, well, ice cream...
I had this craving for pumpkin cheesecake ice cream from Coldstone. When I crave something, I usually go for it. I figure my body wants it for a reason. Now, I don't use this as an excuse to binge, I do this in a healthy way. I have had to get to know myself and my own recovery in order to do this. Anyway, while at work I decided I would get ice cream on the way home. Then started the anorexic, eating disordered voice saying "No, you don't need the ice cream. You've probably gained too much weight recently and your stomach looks a little fat right now, just forget it." Yes, I still hear this "voice", it still comes around sometimes. I've come to equate the ED voice with Satan's lies (but that's another post)...anyway, I got kind of sad. (Think of a kid being called fat or ugly- that's how I was feeling). So I thought, well I'll just accidentally sort of on purpose forget to go and forget that I wanted the ice cream in the first place. Attention, please! THAT is obeying the eating disorder, falling for its temptation, believing its lies, etc. For me, at this point, believing that lie and following it would be an eating disordered behavior. So, in the car, on my way home, I decided I am going to get that ice cream. And I did. I am happy I got it and didn't go along with that STUPID ANNOYING BERATING UGLY eating disorder that can still beat me up mentally. If I did what it said now, who knows how much further I would continue to fall into it?
The decision to get ice cream may be a simple one for most of the population, but for someone recovering from anorexia as I am or someone still struggling with the behaviors, it can be a battle. But today I won one more battle against it.
Keep fighting!
I had this craving for pumpkin cheesecake ice cream from Coldstone. When I crave something, I usually go for it. I figure my body wants it for a reason. Now, I don't use this as an excuse to binge, I do this in a healthy way. I have had to get to know myself and my own recovery in order to do this. Anyway, while at work I decided I would get ice cream on the way home. Then started the anorexic, eating disordered voice saying "No, you don't need the ice cream. You've probably gained too much weight recently and your stomach looks a little fat right now, just forget it." Yes, I still hear this "voice", it still comes around sometimes. I've come to equate the ED voice with Satan's lies (but that's another post)...anyway, I got kind of sad. (Think of a kid being called fat or ugly- that's how I was feeling). So I thought, well I'll just accidentally sort of on purpose forget to go and forget that I wanted the ice cream in the first place. Attention, please! THAT is obeying the eating disorder, falling for its temptation, believing its lies, etc. For me, at this point, believing that lie and following it would be an eating disordered behavior. So, in the car, on my way home, I decided I am going to get that ice cream. And I did. I am happy I got it and didn't go along with that STUPID ANNOYING BERATING UGLY eating disorder that can still beat me up mentally. If I did what it said now, who knows how much further I would continue to fall into it?
The decision to get ice cream may be a simple one for most of the population, but for someone recovering from anorexia as I am or someone still struggling with the behaviors, it can be a battle. But today I won one more battle against it.
Keep fighting!
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