"Reflecting now on how things could have been..."

So Chris Daughtry has a relatively new song out called "September."  There is one line of it that says, "Reflecting now on how things could have been, it was worth it in the end."
That line really sticks out to me, especially in relation to my recovery. 

Looking back on my life, I think about how things could have been different without an eating disorder or some of the negative choices that I made while in the midst of it.  But I think right now I can honestly say that it was worth it in the end.  If I got to go back, and somehow not have an eating disorder, well that would be nice wouldn't it?  But it isn't possible, and I am so incredibly grateful for all the things I have learned and the people I have met because of this mountain I've had to climb. 

So yes, I can look back now on how things could have been, but I can honestly say it was worth it in the end.

Body Image After Anorexia- it DOES get better!

Body Image is perhaps one of the toughest battles for a recovering anorexic or bulimic, because weight gain is usually involved.  It has been a tough battle for me, but I want to let everyone know that it DOES get better. 

It has already started getting better for me!  About 2 or 3 weeks ago I walked into a hair salon, and you know the big mirrors that they have?  That used to scare me all the time.  I looked up into the mirror and automatically thought "I LIKE how my body looks when it is healthy."  I kind of stopped in my tracks and just stood there for a second, because I could hardly believe that that thought just went through my mind. 

I used to wear baggy clothes because I didn't like how my body looked, whether I was at a healthy weight (which never lasted very long) or not.  Now, I actually like buying clothes that FIT, becasue I...(drum roll, please...) LIKE my curves.  When I buy clothes now I like to find stuff that looks nice and fits nice and is comfortable.  The point is... I am getting comfortable with my healthy body, and feeling confident!

Yesterday I was driving home from Helena and saw some AMAZING skies, beautiful sun and clouds, and then later on a beautiful sunset.  I was just amazed at my God's beauty.  And then I got to thinking how God created me to be EXACLTY as I am, and HE likes it, and LOVES it, without changes.  My skin may not be perfect, my stomach might not be flat, my hips might be curvy, but God calls that beautiful, so I will too.

I stil have those days where I am not thrilled with how I look or feel about myself, but I'm a woman, we all have those days.  I am just loving the fact that I am having a few more days where I'm genuinely okay and even liking my healthy self. :)